emotional drainage

Today i have become very aware of how sexual and how violent this film actually is. Not only is there a scene of Henry shooting a load in the shower, and of Paola in the bathtub, but right now they are up there making love and he is painting on her body.

Yesterday we filmed that scene where the ex slaps her in the stairway. Listening to multiple takes of that quick scene was disturbing to say the least, and eventually I got so tired of hearing the screams and wanted to yell out "stop! no mas!"

Today they filmed the ex destroying her apartment and beating her up. The make-up artists applied bruises to her lip and eye. Tomorrow we are going to shoot Henry and his alter ego Diff beating up and possibly killing the ex.

Earlier today, after the violent-ex-husband-scene we had a lunch/dinner break. I was sharing the elevator down with Rafi (director) and Mariana (Paola) and both looked so emotionally wrecked. They can't just snap out of character.

sitting under the tent across from the table where Oscar (Henry) sat, I looked over to find him staring intently at me. I looked back, thinking he was playing a game, but it turns out he was just zoned out in my direction. I started making faces at him for quite some time, and he never even noticed although he was staring straight at me. He was completely out of this world.

Frank (Diff, the alter ego) performed today for the first time. He was nervous last night and didn't get any sleep. He's been acting for 10 years but this role is the most important to him because of the complexity of the character. The scene today consisted of Paola sleeping on the couch, post-beat-up, and Diff finds the wallet of the ex husband and finds out where he's staying and convinces Henry to seek revenge. Diff is this cool character, taller than Henry by what seems like a foot thanks to amazing costume design. He swaggers like Captain Jack sparrow, and he's even slightly out of it, playing with props and being aloof. But he's really bad ass and plays with fire and smokes cigarettes and wears all black and a tint of red. Anyway, after the shoot I congratulated him on being awesome, because it was such an amazing performance (once again) and he shrugged and said he felt like shit. He always feels like shit after a shot, but only to guarantee room for improvement.

I think that's really sad, but hopefully before filming is over I can hear him say that he nailed it.

Despite the heavy content matter, or maybe because of it, the energy on the set is amazing. I get so excited to watch the monitors and see what the cameras are seeing. It's an amazing feeling to see everything falling into place. And it's not just me that thinks its falling into place. After a scene is done, there is applause. we got the shot, it's perfect. we're all so excI ited that its turning out so great.

Until I talked with my aunt about it today, i thought it was normal for that sort of energy to be present on a film set. i thought it was only natural to identify so much with the film that you are helping to produce. However it turns out that this is a unique film where everything is simply meant to be. The elevator doors pop open at just the right time. the camera men all have great composition. the lighting technicians have an intuitive knowledge of setting the mood, the actors are investing all of their energy into their roles, and everybody else is extremely meticulous about their respective jobs. I don't think I could have landed a better experience for my first movie! I am so blessed.

This post doesn't include any pictures because i already blogged today. These were just my thoughts concerning the theme of the film and the experience of the actor and director. Feel free to view my flickr if you're in the mood for some visual stimulation.